My Lightning Bolt experience is something that I never expected in my life, it happened in June 2009 when I heard Michael had died. I wasn't a fan of his but I watched him whenever he was on TV, in the J5 cartoon, all his songs seem to stand out to me, interviews he did I always watched them. Then I got back to my everyday life of being a big fan of someone else not Michael. I had been a fan of this other person since I was about 16 right up until June 25 when my world changed forever.
I have even gone to see Michael in concert at Wembly, my favorite song was PYT and I now regard it as being part and parcel of my being here. It was meant to be, and the memories are so precious to me. The words ‘I LOVE YOU MORE’ will stay with me forever.
But I had in the meantime and as the years went by I watched Michael when he came on the TV or radio. I remember ‘You Rock My World’ being played and thinking what a great song. Whenever I saw him on TV I would feel happy inside I don’t know why, then I went and got on with my day, and the last thing I heard that Michael wanted in his TII concert was to have children of all the nations of the world, I smiled again to myself a knowing happy thought for him, he was back doing what he loved to do.
But looking back to the times when I watched him on TV he always made me smile when ever looked at him I felt something in my heart for him but didn't know what at the time. When the allegations came I never took any notice of them or read any papers , but when the verdict came I thanked God for it. Why? Because in my heart I knew he was innocent.
Then something happened on June 25, it was my sister in laws birthday and she was a big fan of Michael’s. I went to see her and she was crying, I remember thinking it was over Michael. Why? I asked myself, then I watched the memorial and I was crying like a baby. I didn't understand why and the days that followed I had to find out about Michael anything and everything. Nothing mattered, I wasn’t interested about anything else. I was stuck to my computer everyday all day late into the early hours learning and watching you tube and trying to understand Michael. I bought all his music and any book I could find on him and constantly crying all the time, my eyes red and sore. I wouldn’t wipe away the tears that fell on my cheeks. I let them dry, they were tears of love and pain. The pain is in my heart it is so real I could hardly stand I would hide away crying in a heap in my room or in my bathroom floor. I was missing him so much, why had this happened to such a beautiful man who’s only wish was to Heal The World with his love.
I don’t go to church but I asked God why, this was so wrong, why did he have to leave, me and God had a disagreement about this, I was angry with God for taking him, and guilty at myself for not being there for him.
I kept telling Michael I loved him over and over again, and the feeling in my chest was like my heart was going to burst through my body at times, feeling this love for him, it was that strong. I would stop what I was doing and this overwhelming feeling of love would come over me, and just stop me in my tracks, and I’d start crying, but he wasn’t there, not in the physical sense, but something inside me knew he was here. Then I would think I was going mad. I would try to talk myself out of it, but it just came back stronger than before, this would go on and on, I would question myself, am I the only one who feel’s like this? What’s wrong with me? Am i going mad? Then I found The Michael Jackson Tribute Portrait and Facebook. Gradually I became aware there were others like me who felt the same.
It’s an old saying but – my husband doesn’t understand me, or my children, they call it an obsession and they are waiting for it to end, but I’ve got news for them – it’s not, and I’m glad. I love this new found wealth of being, it’s so rich in Michael’s love, the place I know I want to be in, the dream is possible I/we are living it. I even found myself going to church for a while, because I was guided there by Michael. (Maybe to say sorry!!) There have been many times were Michael has given me signs, just to let me know he is still here with me.
I decided that I needed to do something for Michael, give back, I felt it was the very least i could do for him because he gave us so much when he was on this earth, but what I didn’t realize was that Michael guided me, he knew what I needed to do for him, even before I knew, to continue Healing The World through me he can do this, and I am only too pleased to help him.
Michael was right when he said “it’s an adventure , a great adventure” I’m sure this is just the beginning.
One thing that sticks out in my mind is that one night not long after Michael had passed, I half woke out of my sleep and I felt myself shaking like I had be hit by something an electric current, I will never forget it and this is why I have written my experience for you, my life has never been the same since or will be again, but in a good way. His love runs through me like an electric current, and like Michael said, if I can help just one person or child that’s got to be a good thing.