How Can This Be.......? - Nina Hamilton

My first memories of Michael Jackson go way back to the late 1960's and the Jackson 5, and a small boy's vibrant voice ringing out, 'ABC', 'Rockin Robin', and 'I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus.'
Since then I have been busy with my life, until 41 years later, on June 25th, 2009, my world was rocked, like time and the Earth stood still.
I had seen him in March, announcing his 02 Arena concerts, and felt the magic, thought he looked good, still had 'it'. So when the TV Breaking News stated, 'MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD,' I froze with a numb emptiness. 'What? Oh dear,' I said. 'OH DEAR?' A few days passed while I was very uneasy, until on June 30th, I sat, entranced, and watched a TV music three-hour documentary of his top 40 videos; and I was hooked.
My heart hurt and was heavy. I cried tears of pain for his loss, not sure why. I began researching on-line to find his videos, songs, photographs, anything, like someone possessed. I left and read messages on his official website, searched for any news about him on different websites. I wrote emotional poetry.
Four months later I am still suspended in an almost trance-like state; can't stop thinking about him, like he has taken over my heart and soul. So unbelievable as, until I saw those videos, I had regretfully not seen him too much, except for in 'Black Or White. 'But now I can't get enough, totally hooked, cds, dvds, magazines, books, posters; you name it.'
So terribly tragic he had to die before I realised what we have lost, and not appreciated what we had, thinking he would always be there. But that is 'human nature'(his song), guess. Still, I can always hear or see him on a cd, or dvd for ever, and more songs are to be released.
I saw him in 'This is It' at the cinema, a sensational experience, absolutely tremendous, mind-boggling, spectacular. MJ was so energetic, so alive (although rather thin), especially in his long riveting 'Billie Jean' dance routine, as electric as ever, when the other performers and crew began whistling, stomping, clapping and cheering. He was so happy and enjoying himself, fit and not too out of breath. His voice was wonderful. You could say he died happy. I will certainly buy the dvd next year. (And I did!) Now I understand what mesmerising means.
I was inspired to donate money each month at least ten charities, more than I have ever done before.
I planted a Mountain Ash sapling in his name. I started voluntary work as a Reading Helper at a local primary school with Michael's Reading Foundation in London in mind. I bought £70 worth of toys at my local The Entertainer Shop (apt!) and took them into Birmingham, UK. to the Princess Diana Children's Hospital, wearing a white Smooth Criminal-type hat, including a card in honour and memory of MJ with photographs of him and Princess Diana, in November, 2009 in time for Christmas.
I leave cards containing his messages whenever I go somewhere new; a wonderful idea from a Facebook member via the MJ Fan Club.
I hug people more and try to show more love. All this is a great comfort and I feel filled with warmth and love.
My latest efforts include sending toys to Polish orphanages; money towards the building of an orphanage in Kenya in his name, to be called 'Everland' with a plaque and photographs of him so the children know; and to the International Orphanage Lifeline for what would have been his 53rd birthday.
It is hard to grasp he is gone. Why wasn't better care taken of him? Those 02 concerts would have been 'out of this world' and 'blown us all out of the water' as it said in the brochure. I loved the end when he does his iconic little dance up onto his toes, and you can hear his faint distant laughter.
My life and I have been completely changed and I am still finding out more overwhelming things about Michael Jackson all the time. He truly is for ever.
We must be proud and happy for him, for what he has achieved in his life, grateful for what he has left us; the fantastic images, his music, his beautiful children, and his hopes for the world, which we can all follow, to do what he desired most, to make that change.
That is my story.

Best wishes to you.

All for L.O.V.E.

Nina.